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literature
Dethroning the Old Gods
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Literature Text
Two simple men
Surrounded by an army of gods
Armed with a saw
They march to battle
Two lone soldiers
In the company of the ancients
Mortal but unbeatable
They slay them
Two foolish destroyers
Laying waste to the divine
Ushering in a new era
They rejoice
But they still can’t see the forest for the trees
Surrounded by an army of gods
Armed with a saw
They march to battle
Two lone soldiers
In the company of the ancients
Mortal but unbeatable
They slay them
Two foolish destroyers
Laying waste to the divine
Ushering in a new era
They rejoice
But they still can’t see the forest for the trees
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Sorry for doing another environmental piece so soon, but this was for the Unseen-Writers theme of the week and the theme was Trees xD. Since joining DA, I've ended up doing more poetry than I normally would but it's still not something I'd consider my forte so any constructive criticism is welcome.
© 2017 - 2024 Glitter95
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, well this must be one of the most straightforward poems I have ever read in my life. Not only that, most of the time, it's quite hard to get a basic idea of what a poem is about. That and when reviewing a poem, I got to keep in mind of stanzas and lines. So, there's that.
from the get go, it's basic. The poem tells of two guys who slay the old gods. well, my interpretation at least. The things about poems are that they can be seen in many ways since they are, by definition, art. how I see your poem, it might be much more different from someone else's point of view. for a poem to be good, it has to make people think. and, you got that down real good.
but before I get down to seeing what you could do to improve this, remember when I said it felt straightforward? that was because it felt easy enough for me to understand what it might be. Is this a bad thing? Not really, but for some, not so much. Just keep that in mind. However, it can also depend on the type of poem. Since this is free verse, I will not really speak of the rhyme. Rather, the narrative. At a glance, you would think it was a folk tale of 2 heroes slaying the gods of old. But, the ending verse made it much different. It was 2 lumberjacks chopping down a tree in actually. or maybe I'm not seeing that correctly. it would be best to make it bit clear at least.
In the long run, the poems nice. Not heart pounding or awe-inspiring, but decent. That is all I can give for today.
@Glitter95 , also we'll you be willing to review a script? I promise it's about 30 pages. although, it might not be easy for someone to review it in 200+ words.
, well this must be one of the most straightforward poems I have ever read in my life. Not only that, most of the time, it's quite hard to get a basic idea of what a poem is about. That and when reviewing a poem, I got to keep in mind of stanzas and lines. So, there's that.from the get go, it's basic. The poem tells of two guys who slay the old gods. well, my interpretation at least. The things about poems are that they can be seen in many ways since they are, by definition, art. how I see your poem, it might be much more different from someone else's point of view. for a poem to be good, it has to make people think. and, you got that down real good.
but before I get down to seeing what you could do to improve this, remember when I said it felt straightforward? that was because it felt easy enough for me to understand what it might be. Is this a bad thing? Not really, but for some, not so much. Just keep that in mind. However, it can also depend on the type of poem. Since this is free verse, I will not really speak of the rhyme. Rather, the narrative. At a glance, you would think it was a folk tale of 2 heroes slaying the gods of old. But, the ending verse made it much different. It was 2 lumberjacks chopping down a tree in actually. or maybe I'm not seeing that correctly. it would be best to make it bit clear at least.
In the long run, the poems nice. Not heart pounding or awe-inspiring, but decent. That is all I can give for today.
@Glitter95 , also we'll you be willing to review a script? I promise it's about 30 pages. although, it might not be easy for someone to review it in 200+ words.